


Rush

by skysedge



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Feelings, Fluff, Gen, Idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 09:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10357653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skysedge/pseuds/skysedge
Summary: The seasons moved so quickly it frightened him





	

**Author's Note:**

> Imported from fanfiction.net where it was posted a long time ago under the same name.

The seasons moved so quickly it frightened him.

Not that he would tell anyone. Goku would sprawl in the back of the car like always, complain like always, sleep like always. But every now and then, when the others weren't looking or when they were talking in low, morose voices about something he didn't want to understand, a moment of quiet would steal over the youth. In those moments he'd turn to watch the rushing landscape with anxious golden eyes. Sometimes there were flowers. Sometimes it was so hot the ground was cracked. Sometimes he couldn't see for rain. Sometimes snow blanketed the ground and smothered all other signs of life.

Wait, he'd ask it silently. Slow down. Where're ya goin' so fast?

Rushing, rushing, rushing. For all the long, uneventful days and endless boredom things always seemed to be rushing. Not just the seasons or the car or the people they'd meet, all good honest business or bad-tempered violence but the other three too. None of them ever seemed to have time to just appreciate a moment for what it was, to feel the sun in the summertime or listen to the rain as the clouds continued rushing by. Gojyo was always looking for something faster than what they had, be it a fight or a woman or just a tousling match. Hakkai sounded calm but Goku didn't like the look in his eyes sometimes, the one that made it clear he was tired of something. And Sanzo...

Sanzo was Sanzo. That was it, really.

Goku wanted to feel a season, the weather, a moment, just once. And although he wanted to share it with all of them if he had to choose just one, one irreplaceable presence, it would be Sanzo. Not that he would ever ask. Just thinking about asking frightened him. It was probably a worse than fan-smacking offence.

But he wanted to ask. As winter rolled back around and he could wrap himself up in heavier clothes, this desire became almost painful.

Standing outside another nondescript tavern in another nondescript town, Goku blew on his hands energetically more to keep himself amused than to keep himself warm. Beside him, Sanzo was casually leaning against the wall, smoking and occasionally clicking his tongue at overly loud passers by. Gojyo and Hakkai had gone somewhere, Goku didn't know where but hadn't pressed on asking when he'd been promised hot food when they got back. They couldn't have gone far, he reasoned, or they'd be waiting inside. It didn't matter anyway. The townspeople seemed friendly and lively. A couple of children tore past, all happy screaming and flailing arms. Goku had opened his mouth to yell something after them when a sharp noise to his right warned him not to.

"Tch."

It seemed these people were too carefree for Sanzo. Maybe they weren't rushing for the right reasons.

"Why're you so grumpy?" he asked suddenly, turning to face the monk with hands on his hips in indignation. "They're just kids."

"They're too loud," Sanzo mumbled, no bothering to even turn his eyes to look at Goku as he was spoken to. Another drag of his cigarette and then, "Just like you. Shut up."

"But we've got nothin' else to-"

"Shut up, I said."

He lapsed back into disgruntled silence. Even their conversation was being rushed, these days. Goku couldn't understand why Sanzo would rather pass the time in angry silence than slow down his thoughts for just a moment and talk about something pointless or stupid. Maybe they could have done something impulsive, gone exploring, found some local food. Maybe they could have made this stopover a trip rather than just a chore. Maybe-

"Hey, look Sanzo, look!"

It was snowing. The first flakes he'd seen all year started to land on his reddened hands, tiny hesitant crystals that vanished almost instantly. For a moment he was overjoyed, not because he liked snow or anything but because there was always something cool about being outside for the first snowfall. Stepping away from the wall, he turned his face up to the sky, squinting his eyes at the blinding whiteness of the clouds but still smiling.

Silence from beside him. He waited a while, watching as the snowflakes tumbled lazily from the clouds above and landed wherever they felt like, wherever the moment took them. No haste, no rush, no big plan for these little guys. Catching one on the end of his index finger, Goku beamed down at it and realised he'd never felt so happy to see it snow before.

"I wanna be a snowflake," he said without thinking, speaking with the moment as always.

"Don't be stupid," he heard Sanzo say from behind him. "Why the hell would you want that?"

Goku shrugged, staring at the flake on his finger until it had vanished entirely.

"Why not?"

"You'd be cold, fall a long way and then die with all of your friends at once. That's it. It's stupid and answering you was even more stupid. Stop talking about it."

Frowning now, Goku turned slowly and was about to start yelling some nonsense that flew straight from his mind as he realised Sanzo had been watching him. After the burning white of the sky, Sanzo's eyes seemed almost violent in colour. Unnatural. That wasn't a problem. He liked them that way. It was easy to lose himself in a colour like that.

For a while, he did. Goku just stood amidst the thickening snowfall and stared, expression unguarded and fascinated. As bright as Sanzo's eyes were and as gold as his hair was and as different as he was to everyone else on the street...he was always that way. Goku could see the same colours in every season, in every light, in every temperature. If they were rushing to the next town or running into a fight, if they were sitting around waiting impatiently for the morning or hurrying to finish a meal and move on, it was always the same. Sanzo was always the same. Angry, impatient, hostile and generally an asshole but the same. He'd always been that way, hadn't he? And Goku had never thought of asking for anything else.

Sometimes, he thought there was something else. Sometimes, there would be a hand ruffling his hair. Sometimes, there'd be a smile in those violet eyes even when his lips didn't agree. And sometimes, when he was really tired, Goku would hear Sanzo's voice and turn expecting to see someone else. Someone with warmer hands that were used to holding his own. Someone who hadn't been afraid to make promises. Someone who had changed everything.

But that was Sanzo too, wasn't it? And the eyes and the hair, the colours, they were always the same in Goku's mind. So it didn't matter. If he didn't understand, he didn't understand. There were better things to do with his time than worry. Like appreciating the snow or talking to someone or...

Staring at Sanzo. He'd been staring now for far longer than was polite, not really seeing anything but the colours. Snapping back to the present moment, Goku threw his hands up in front of him and was ready to apologise when he realised something important. Sanzo was still staring back and the silence in the snow-muffled air was unbroken. He felt no pressure to break it.

There was a moment. Just a moment. Eyes locked on one another, the two of them motionless under the sky's gentle embrace, and a warmth deep in Goku's chest. No rush. Just a feeling. And then it had passed. Naturally, painlessly, without hurry.

A slow smile brightened Goku's features and only grew as Sanzo turned away, remembering now to shield his cigarette in cupped hands. Goku moved back to the wall, now leaning against it as Sanzo was and still smiling.

"Do you think the winter's gonna last long?" he asked.

"No," Sanzo replied instantly, surprised into honesty by the somewhat subdued tone in Goku's voice. "That's just the way it is."

"It doesn't matter."

"Tch. Then why did you ask me?"

"''Cause I'd been worryin' about it. But it doesn't matter anymore."

"Why? Do you really like the snow that much now?"

Goku shook his head and tore his eyes away from the street before them, the roads slowly disappearing under a soft white coat. He thought of reaching up for Sanzo's hair, a reflex he'd never understood, but managed not to.

"Nope. I'm just not gonna worry about stuff changin' so fast from now on."

Sanzo fixed the youth with a curious stare, naturally too apathetic to actually try and keep up with Goku's less than obvious thought processes and ask. Understanding without having to try, Goku grinned and turned back to watch the snow.

"It doesn't matter 'cause you're still here."

A moment of silence, smoke spiralling into the chill air.

"Stupid monkey. Shut up."

And this time. Goku was happy to grin in silence.


End file.
